time travelling

[llcoolvad]

So probably you're not like me. Maybe you actually live in the present. Perhaps you even live too much in the past. But maybe you don't spend a lot of time in the future. I do. And not in a creative sort of future, where I fantasize about what happens when the zombie apocalypse starts, or what happens after Skynet becomes aware. No. I dwell almost entirely in "someday." Someday when I have more time. Someday when I feel good. Someday when I lose weight. Someday when I'm out of debt.

It's probably not that obvious that I spend time there. After all, I obsessively chronicle my present. Today I am doing. Yesterday I did. Tomorrow I will. But that's all so much bookkeeping. In reality almost every stray thought I have — whether it's about something fun to do, something good for me, or something I'd like to learn — goes immediately into that future perfect. That glorious time (which I am certain is just around the corner, really!) when XX has happened, which will allow me to do YY.

Most often my future perfect involves a thinner, healthier me. Somehow, through some trick or cleverness, I have become my healthy, lithe self, my REAL self, and now! Now I am ready to face the world! "It'll be easier to look for a new job after I lose some weight." Oftentimes it's about my financial state. "When I'm out of debt and making more money I'll really look at houses and maybe buy one."

It's convenient, this future perfect world I live in. I can think these things, solve all of these problems, imagine eventualities, and not actually have to do anything at all about them. Somehow they'll take care of themselves in...THE FUTURE...and I won't have to start anything or take any kind of action in my life.

I have been surfing the web today, as I do most evenings, and many things caught my attention. A friend posted a song that made me swoop into my future, the future where I've re-started playing guitar. Reading an article in the Times made me think about learning meditation, which I will do as soon as I work out a more organized schedule. A couple of metafilter questions made me think about bike riding and how much I'll love doing it again, once I've worked out my knee issues and lost some weight. Articles on nutrition made me think about sometime soon when I will have worked out some great new things I like to eat and where I shop in an orderly fashion. A lengthy article about free weights being the only real thing to do to make one healthier made me think about my workout room, in my house, where I will have a weight bench and mirrors and other equipment. A job posting someone sent me made me think about how I'd have to update my wardrobe in my new position, and how I could pick out podcasts to make my commute more interesting and informative. I don't really consciously think this stuff, but it sort of winds around in my head. So really I get the satisfaction of thinking that I'll have this well-rounded life without actually doing anything at all about it.

Here's a classic me example: When I find (online, in the Globe, from a friend, whatever) something interesting to do, eat at, or visit that's local, I add it to a list I'm keeping of fun things to do. I have probably 10 pages of things. And yet when I have time off I end up doing my usual same things. I guess I am saving the fun things for my future fun self?

I sort of joked to Brian tonight that in Egypt coverage I heard on the radio, they said that the protesters were protesting the 30-year regime of Mubarak, and my first thought was "NOW they protest? What took ya?" Not, perhaps, the conclusion I should be drawing from the riots, I know. But there you go.

So I have to ask, future Laurie, what took ya?

Comments

[p-j-cleary.livejournal.com]

I think this living in the future thing is what people are talking about when they say they're "perfectionists." I've found that "perfectionists" rarely do anything perfectly, or even attempt to do something perfectly, because they imagine a future in which the perfect state is achieved via some method akin to that South Park presentation. Step 1: Think about perfect thing. Step 2: ?? Step 3: Perfection!

I forget where I read or heard it (probably some motivational book of the type I used to read endlessly), but someone said that we are always doing exactly what we want to do every minute of every day. That doesn't mean that we're allowed to do what we dream of doing, but that, given the circumstances we're in, we make exactly the choices we make because we want to make those choices, since the alternative is less appealing.

So the small bits of these future scenarios are really appealing, like walking into the bright, shiny workout room full of equipment, or delicately picking out spices from a perfectly-organized spice rack in your sunlit kitchen, but the result that you're looking for (working out, eating healthier) is more of a slog when you get into the details. Nutrition isn't complicated or terribly interesting, and lifting weights is boring and tiring. So what we all want to do is have this future but still sit in our chairs and dream.

I think any changes or fun or perfection has to happen both consciously and accidentally, in fits and spurts. Nobody ever really stops and says, "I am living in that wonderful state that I always wanted," they're always making steps towards or away from whatever it is they think of as the ideal, and to take the random opportunities that come our way without overthinking them and deciding on 1,000 ways in which our plans will go wrong before even trying to do something.

This is way too wordy, and probably an entry of my own. I'm there with you if you want to put any of your future-perfect plans into action. I can hit the gym with you, or go to whatever thing is on your fun list, or even listen to you play guitar (which I have never seen you do in the 25 years I've known you).

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

I definitely believe that about the "we're doing exactly what we want to do every minute of the day" business. It's more of a weights and balances thing, where we calculate how much unpleasantness vs. how much gain, and ultimately we make a decision based on the answer. Clearly if I wanted to restart playing guitar (Dad taught me briefly when I was a lot younger), I could just do it. There's a guitar and all the sheet music I could ever want or need at Mom's. I'd need to find a teacher and play. But obviously I decide, somehow, to just not do it.

I have made progress mentally in the last year. I still avoid the largest issue, the health/weight one. But I make progress. If I could just stop rewarding myself with these perfection future fantasies, I might make even more progress.

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

When I first started reading this, I thought it was sad. Tragically sad, even. I was thinking that being in debt, having a wacky schedule, and being overweight can all make things more difficult or time consuming, but quite a few things are still possible.

Then as I continued reading, I realized that you still get to be happy. You don't think about all these fabulous things to do and think to yourself, "I'll never get to do that. My life sucks." All the things are available to you! Later! That's actually pretty cool.

My own philosophy is that I can do anything I want but not everything I want (at least not all at the same time) because I just don't have time for everything. I think this gives me the best of both worlds--I get to actually do stuff, plus I never have to think that any particular thing is something that can never happen for me (except maybe a good-paying job I'll like).

So I recommend that. Pick out one or two things to make a priority and try to do them. Keep all those other things ready for your fabulous future.

(Please ignore the part about my actual life where I'm not actually doing much lately because my house is too cluttery and my job is too time-consuming and icky.)

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, that's exactly how it works in my head. It's never a "this is never going to happen to me", it's much more a "this will definitely happen to me, just not today" kind of emotion. And that's very cheery, in its own way.

But it's still pretty delusional. And it's just so correctable. Just do it! Sigh.

[zanzjan.livejournal.com]

Also, it's really easy to make a list of things we want to do -- "lose weight", "see Australia", etc. -- and lose sight of the fact that simply by making a list out of those things we've simplified them almost to the point of meaninglessness. None of the sorts of things that make these types of lists are easy, or achievable in a vacuum. Losing weight isn't something you just someday decide to do and then it happens, it means making decisions against your immediate wants all day long, day after day, for essentially the rest of our lives. Traveling involves money, and time, and planning, and accounting for who takes care of the beasties while you're gone, etc. Even going to a local museum means setting aside the little things you have to get done (laundry, cleaning, bills, etc.) and the fun things that are conveniently at hand (tv, finishing a book, hanging out with a friend) and getting out the door and going. It's easy to say, but it's inevitably complicated to do. Which doesn't mean we shouldn't do them, but we ought to cut ourselves some slack when we don't manage as many of them as a little bullet-point list would suggest we could.

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

True! But perhaps I cut myself too much slack already...

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I used to live in the future all the time! These last two years I've been wandering around saying, "Huh. This is what I was holding out for. Wow. It really is awesome! SWEET!"

Try to not wait until you're in your fifties if you can.

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

Only four years to go, then. Yikes! Tomorrow needs to become today...

[istemi.livejournal.com]

I add it to a list I'm keeping of fun things to do. I have probably 10 pages of things.

Like what? Want company? I expect to have a lot of free time this summer while I look for a job.

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

You'll be snatched up right away, I'm sure, but if you do indeed end up with free time, that would be great! Now if only I can shut off the "someday" and get with the "today."