time travelling

[llcoolvad]

So probably you're not like me. Maybe you actually live in the present. Perhaps you even live too much in the past. But maybe you don't spend a lot of time in the future. I do. And not in a creative sort of future, where I fantasize about what happens when the zombie apocalypse starts, or what happens after Skynet becomes aware. No. I dwell almost entirely in "someday." Someday when I have more time. Someday when I feel good. Someday when I lose weight. Someday when I'm out of debt.

It's probably not that obvious that I spend time there. After all, I obsessively chronicle my present. Today I am doing. Yesterday I did. Tomorrow I will. But that's all so much bookkeeping. In reality almost every stray thought I have — whether it's about something fun to do, something good for me, or something I'd like to learn — goes immediately into that future perfect. That glorious time (which I am certain is just around the corner, really!) when XX has happened, which will allow me to do YY.

Most often my future perfect involves a thinner, healthier me. Somehow, through some trick or cleverness, I have become my healthy, lithe self, my REAL self, and now! Now I am ready to face the world! "It'll be easier to look for a new job after I lose some weight." Oftentimes it's about my financial state. "When I'm out of debt and making more money I'll really look at houses and maybe buy one."

It's convenient, this future perfect world I live in. I can think these things, solve all of these problems, imagine eventualities, and not actually have to do anything at all about them. Somehow they'll take care of themselves in...THE FUTURE...and I won't have to start anything or take any kind of action in my life.

I have been surfing the web today, as I do most evenings, and many things caught my attention. A friend posted a song that made me swoop into my future, the future where I've re-started playing guitar. Reading an article in the Times made me think about learning meditation, which I will do as soon as I work out a more organized schedule. A couple of metafilter questions made me think about bike riding and how much I'll love doing it again, once I've worked out my knee issues and lost some weight. Articles on nutrition made me think about sometime soon when I will have worked out some great new things I like to eat and where I shop in an orderly fashion. A lengthy article about free weights being the only real thing to do to make one healthier made me think about my workout room, in my house, where I will have a weight bench and mirrors and other equipment. A job posting someone sent me made me think about how I'd have to update my wardrobe in my new position, and how I could pick out podcasts to make my commute more interesting and informative. I don't really consciously think this stuff, but it sort of winds around in my head. So really I get the satisfaction of thinking that I'll have this well-rounded life without actually doing anything at all about it.

Here's a classic me example: When I find (online, in the Globe, from a friend, whatever) something interesting to do, eat at, or visit that's local, I add it to a list I'm keeping of fun things to do. I have probably 10 pages of things. And yet when I have time off I end up doing my usual same things. I guess I am saving the fun things for my future fun self?

I sort of joked to Brian tonight that in Egypt coverage I heard on the radio, they said that the protesters were protesting the 30-year regime of Mubarak, and my first thought was "NOW they protest? What took ya?" Not, perhaps, the conclusion I should be drawing from the riots, I know. But there you go.

So I have to ask, future Laurie, what took ya?

Comments

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

When I first started reading this, I thought it was sad. Tragically sad, even. I was thinking that being in debt, having a wacky schedule, and being overweight can all make things more difficult or time consuming, but quite a few things are still possible.

Then as I continued reading, I realized that you still get to be happy. You don't think about all these fabulous things to do and think to yourself, "I'll never get to do that. My life sucks." All the things are available to you! Later! That's actually pretty cool.

My own philosophy is that I can do anything I want but not everything I want (at least not all at the same time) because I just don't have time for everything. I think this gives me the best of both worlds--I get to actually do stuff, plus I never have to think that any particular thing is something that can never happen for me (except maybe a good-paying job I'll like).

So I recommend that. Pick out one or two things to make a priority and try to do them. Keep all those other things ready for your fabulous future.

(Please ignore the part about my actual life where I'm not actually doing much lately because my house is too cluttery and my job is too time-consuming and icky.)

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, that's exactly how it works in my head. It's never a "this is never going to happen to me", it's much more a "this will definitely happen to me, just not today" kind of emotion. And that's very cheery, in its own way.

But it's still pretty delusional. And it's just so correctable. Just do it! Sigh.