llcoolvad: (newer)
The blur of days is a little ridiculous, lately. I know I've worked some. Took most of last week off, however. Work does a floating holiday per year, and this year it was the day after the 4th; since I work from home Wednesday and took Saturday off, I got a nice long span of not going into the city. Which is really good, considering how hot it's been. Subway is gross in the heat. No really! I'm sure that's a shocker.

I went to Patrick's as usual on the 4th, and as usual it was fun. No parade this year (I guess the Wakefield denizens didn't get their collective acts together), so we didn't have our usual alone time with the pool, but I went in anyway. Too hot not to! So swimming was had, food was eaten, and hanging out was done. Always fun to spend time with the fam. Was thinking about going in to town to see the fireworks from my office, since the view would be totally awesome, but was pretty fried from the day and just couldn't bestir myself. Spent Friday doing not much. So hot! Couldn't bear to leave the air conditioning, but did a little shopping and errand running.

Saturday Patrick, Peter (Patrick's BF, who officially has won the Most Patient Boyfriend EVAR title), and I went to Marlboro for a gem and jewelry trade show, because yes, we are officially crazy. The event said cash only, so I took out a specific amount and spent all but $30 of that amount. And it was only my relative newbie-ness and lack of real skill that kept me from hitting the ATM and getting ALL THE THINGS. Several of the vendors were selling good quality semi-precious gems and stones, and man, as much as I love costume jewelry and beads, I could totally see myself getting into the good stuff. Every single time I was really drooling over a string of something it was inevitably over $100. Good move bringing a flat amount and not breaking it, Laurie! But of course, maybe by next year I will have upped my skill level and design capabilities and will talk myself into real stuff. AIEEEE!

Sunday was again low-key. I went out briefly to pick up some storage containers for my bead hoard, and was able to effectively utilize Joann's Fabrics sale price matching to get the sale price they offered online only. Got four many-compartmented storage bins for $12 total, instead of the non-sale $24, so I felt better about at least some of the spending the day before. I spent the rest of the afternoon in blissful air conditioning cataloging and putting away the hoard. I feel compelled to track the cost of everything in a very detailed spreadsheet, so when I wear a necklace or something I can think to myself "self, these earrings took an hour to make and $4 worth of beads, and you look fab!". Also so if I ever decide that I am crazy and want to sell stuff I'll know how to price it. Also so I can say, "Hobby, you've cost me $xxx.xx so far, and I think you're worth it, maybe."

Monday was Visit the Elderly Auntie day, and it was unexpectedly fun this time. She's normally a little professorial and a bit detached, but I think because she was still very sad about her brother's recent death and her own inability to make it to the memorial, this time she was extremely gossipy! Lots of interesting chatter about the family. My family doesn't have any REAL dirt, however. They're all pretty nice people. So this was more how she felt about so-and-so and who was kind of snobby, and like that. My main takeaway from this (and really from life in general) is that it doesn't matter how old you get: most people never really change much from when they're kids.

Work has been extremely frustrating this last few weeks, and I'm still waiting to hear back to see if I make it to the next round in the interview process at the potential new place. P assures me that he believes I am one of the front runners and also assures me that the process is always extremely lengthy at this company. It's fine. I JUST HATE MY JOB AND WANT TO LEAVE NOW NOW NOW KTHXBAI.

I visited my doctor last week, finally. First time since October. And I have gained 25ish pounds since October. Which I knew. Still, harsh to see. My numbers were all still good, and despite my many aches and such he didn't find anything in particular going on. He had my knee xrayed and had nothing to report beyond some osteoarthritis, which, duh. I probably need some other test, MRI or something. Because it still fucking hurts and I am pissed about it.

But going to see him seems to have snapped me out of my eating obsession, somehow. I told myself that after the 4th I'd start up with my food tracking and see if I could knock back off some of these pounds, and I did start back and already I'm down three pounds. And, irritatingly, I feel a bit better. I hate it when I have to keep relearning this shit. I also picked up a new FitBit, because I totally lost my old one, and I've been trying to increase my numbers there, too. It looks like an average commuting day is about 6500 steps, which is not enough! And my home days are WAY too sedentary. Ow. My poor knee.

I really need to see the eye doctor next, and I suppose I should pursue the knee thing further but the whole idea is exhausting. We'll see how much progress I make there, I guess.

menu

Aug. 14th, 2012 09:18 pm
llcoolvad: (new)
I was thinking about the memoir I read a few months back about the girl who talked all about her own weight loss, all the struggles and the funny bits and so on, but never talked about what she ate. So I thought I'd detail the kind of things I eat. It's not really restrictive. I'm eating around 1800 calories per day. I always eat three meals and a couple of snacks, often several snacks.

I start the day usually with one of two breakfasts: either cereal (multigrain cheerios or fiber one honey clusters) with fresh fruit in and a half cup of milk, or I make some kind of egg scramble with some cheese and sometimes some peppers and onions, sometimes none, and sometimes with a slice of Arnold 12 Grain toast with some butter and jelly. Cereal breakfast is around 250 cals, whereas egg breakfast with toast is about 450. I try to adjust based on that for the rest of the day. I do not fuss with egg whites or whatever.

Lunch I try to stick to 550 cals or less. Often it's a sandwich (220 for the bread if I have actual bread, 60 if it's a pita pocket (with flax!), 90ish for the meat or tuna, maybe 50 if I have cheese, use mustard so nothing there, lettuce and tomato are negligible cals), a pickle spear (1 cal), and a piece of fruit (60 to 100 cals, depending), or occasionally Baked Lay's BBQ (140 cals if I eat the whole single-serving bag, which often I don't). If I haven't brought my lunch, I'll sometimes go to a local supermarket and raid the salad bar. The mall is just next door to my workplace, so I sometimes go to the food court there. It's hard to find a lunch under 550 cals there, however. I stick to D'Angelo's, Au Bon Pain, and the salad place, pretty much. And generally it's more like 650 cals. Sigh!

I save some daytime cals for snacks, too. Usually I bring some fruit or yogurt or nuts, or someone brings something delectable to work. I indulge in the delectable, but try to eat half of a normal serving. Depending how filling lunch was and how late I ate it, sometimes I skip after-lunch snack.

Dinner is varied, and pretty ordinary—a meat/veg/starch kind of thing. Sometimes meat/veg/salad, or meat/veg/veg/fruit. I just often double the veggies and halve the starches. Mom's a fan of pasta, so we have that more than my calories would like, at least once per week. I am mostly pretty careful with portions, and I keep up to date in my app throughout the day I can figure out what's left for the day. If I'm at the grocery store and I'm buying something prepared, I always read the package and usually go with the lower cal option.

If I walk for an hour, it usually earns me about 260 calories back, but I try to only eat half of that back (I fail a lot there, though). Other exercises earn me more calories (that's how I think of it) so it means I can have an extra snack or two if I want to. Basically whatever is left for the day after dinner and exercise I tend to use up in snacks. Snacks vary, but I like grapes (3 cal per grape, so count!) and a couple of "cracker cuts" cheese (110 cal for three), or a yogurt, or five Ritz crackers (80 cal). If I have hundreds of calories left, I might have a slice of multigrain bread with some peanut butter and jelly. I am a total obsessive freak about it. I'll plan my snack from my bedroom, calculating what we have vs. what I have left and decide before I get out of my chair. Else I'd eat the whole kitchen, see? I measure or count out stuff into a bowl or onto a plate, leaving the rest in the pantry or kitchen so I'd have to get up to get more.

There are a few snacks that are hard for me to resist, so I've had to only have them in the house when I feel really strong. Nuts are the worst. I buy a container of nuts and actually divide it up into single-serving Ziploc bags the minute I open it. Sometimes even THAT doesn't help, as I'll somehow rationalize two or even three servings. Better than eating the whole can, but bad! Also anything chocolate. If you combine the two, like those dark chocolate sea salt almonds from Trader Joe's? Fuhgeddaboudit. I can resist ice cream, sorta. I can now just have one spoonful, and that is somehow enough. Fiber One Oats & Chocolate bars were awesome for a while, but suddenly I just need to eat them all if they're here, so now they're on the Restricted list.

I try to drink enough water, also, although I mostly fail at that, and I've cut back on my diet Coke intake. I keep vitamin water zero in my minifridge, partly as pill-taking beverage and partly so I don't drink caffeine late at night. Water isn't appealing later at night for me right now.

There are two danger times for me. One is about a half hour after I exercise. Then I am RAVENOUS (and I dunno if it's physical or mental). And the other is 9:00-10:00pm, for some weird reason. Often those two coincide, so that's better. Then it's only one really dangerous time. But sometimes I walk on my work lunch hour, so that leaves the whole night after dinner wide open for trouble. By that I mean that I stay up pretty late every night, and I finish dinner by no later than 7:30pm (Mom likes to eat fairly early). That gives me at least five hours after dinner that I'm conscious. That's a lot of snacking potential, right there.

Eating out could be a dangerous time, but thankfully I was already in the chain restaurant habit, and with very few exceptions they ALL have detailed caloric info on their websites. So when I know where we're going I do my research. I usually know what I'm going to have before I go in, which makes it stress-free and simple to order. My only real dangerous eating out time is if I go to a non-chain place and have something unusual. Then I just call it a cheat day and move along.

I don't allow myself too many cheat days. They're hard to recover from, really. When I was on vacation on the Cape I ate whatever I wanted, and I snacked way too much. When I got back I kept thinking about snacks for days. If I could just cut out the sweets-craving and think-about-food-all-the-time parts of my brain I'd be a LOT happier. Why don't they do lobotomies for that? I'd sign up.

In reviewing my app numbers, it looks like currently I eat on average the following breakdown:

Carb: 49%
Fat: 34%
Protein: 18%

According to stuff I've read, you should aim for:
45% to 65% of calories eaten should come from carbohydrates
20% to 35% of calories eaten should come from fat
10% to 35% of calories eaten should come from protein

Sparkpeople suggests approximately 50% carbohydrates, 30% fat and 20% protein.

So I'm pretty much on target. I could dump a little fat and increase a little protein. Most of the carbs are reasonable.

So that's what I eat. I have to pull all my data from LoseIt and see if I can figure what I am eating the weeks I don't lose anything. That might be helpful.
llcoolvad: (new)
Long week this week, and I was just exhausted all week so it felt longer. Mom had her cataract surgery on Wednesday, which involved a lot of driving around — first to drop her off, then to pick her up, then to bring her to her eye doctor's office, then back home — while I was also working from home. We also had contractors at the house blowing insulation into the walls, which basically involves removing clapboards, drilling holes, running the pump thingie into the walls, then (I assume) filling the holes and putting the clapboards back. That is not a quiet process! They took three days, so I had to get up early each day. Really glad that's over with. But hopefully that means we'll be warmer and will pay less for heat this winter.

Social stuff: P and I got a late dinner after my weights class on Friday. That's it, other than work chatting. Too tired for much else.

Workouts:
Tuesday: Nothing
Wednesday: Nothing
Thursday: Stationary bike 30 mins. (MAN did I have to force myself to go, felt good after I did, tho)
Friday: Weights class 45 mins, stationary bike for 15 mins (had to meet P for dinner so I cut it a little short)
Saturday: Rowing machine 15 mins, weight lifting 15 mins, 5 min elliptical (lunchtime at work)
Sunday: Rest day!
Monday: Rowing machine for 30 mins, weights class for 45 mins

That's only 4 out of 7 days. See prev re: tired. Glad it's over. This week will be better!

Sunday was mostly nothing much. I slept late, got up, did a few chores things, then after chatting with a friend determined that I should buy SOMETHING on tax-free weekend, so I went to Newbury Comics and bought a few CDs. I probably saved $3, but at least I contributed to the economy, right? Then headed over to the local farm "stand" — it's really more like a supermarket, but their stuff is really good. Found a few native tomatoes (yay!) and some native corn so I made BLTs with corn on the cob on the side for dinner. SO GOOD. I finally watched the rest of the opening ceremony for the Olympics, fast-forwarding through the parade part. Macca was not very exciting. I wonder when I'll watch the closing ceremony? I didn't record it, so I guess I'll only have the On Demand option.

Today was my annual checkup with my primary care doc. Seemed to go well. I am down 11 pounds since I saw him last (although that was April, I think, so that's not GREAT, but it's still good). Blood pressure was 107/70. I will learn the rest when my 8 vials of blood come back — he sends me a results letter usually about a week after the appt. EKG was normal, too, I think. At least they didn't wave their hands in the air and push alarm bells, so I am assuming all was well. The woman taking my EKG hadn't seen me since last year and freaked out about my weight loss. So that was nice. I've been going to the same doctor for so long I know all the people who work there. Pretty satisfying.

I have to fast before I go to see my doctor so they can get a fasting blood sugar, so I was pretty ravenous afterward. I stopped at the cafe in my doctor's building before I left for my next appointment to catch a quick lunch. I was sitting there playing words with friends and eating my salad when I heard my doctor behind me. "Hi Laurie!" I got a little laugh out of the thought that, after all the discussions of my weight loss, at least I was eating a salad and not a hot fudge sundae. How often do you see your physician at a restaurant? I still felt a smidge ... caught? I dunno. It amused me, anyway.

Appointment number two was my gynecologist. So perhaps you are male or from outside the U.S. and you don't know this about the medical world here: there are tons of women who don't actually have primary care physicians, but because they want birth control they have to have gynecologists. As a result, the GYNs have stepped into the void and become de facto PCPs for most of their patients. So my GYN is very chatty and full-medical-history-taking and involved, spends a lot of time taling to her patients about their whole health, etc. Yelled at me the first time I went about my overall health, my weight, the whole thing. Reinforced that with subsequent visits. It was sorta irksome, because I actually HAVE a PCP, but I understand the driving force behind it, anyway.

Today she didn't actually recognize me. I only see her once per year, so she hadn't seen me since the weight loss. Anyway, she gushed at me and told me to keep doing what I'm doing, and I was her patient of the year, and all this silly stuff that felt really good to hear. She said that the current advice for exercise is 150 minutes per week to maintain decent health, so I feel good about exceeding that by a lot, almost every week. She also thought that if I continue down the path and get to my goal, it's possible insurance would pay for some of the plastic surgery I might need, since it would be medically necessary. (I gots lots of extra skin already. TMI, sorry! It's what I'm hoping the weights and gym will help with, frankly) It's weird to be having that conversation with someone who is also giving you a breast exam, but there you go.

And then I did all my usual Monday stuff, including weights class, which was hard today! But in a good way. I went up in heaviness today on almost everything. My triceps are still wimpy bitches, though, and the "head-knockers" are still tough for me. I tried the 30 pound barbell, did seven reps very shakily, had to go back to the 20 pounder. Wimpy triceps!

I probably overdid it a bit by then hitting the rowing machine after class, but I *like* the rowing machine, and I can't say that about any of the other cardio options (other than swimming). I think the rowing machine is my new friend. Although I am not sure I'm doing it right. My back is a little sore. My guy at the gym told me to keep my back straight, but how the heck do you do that when you're on the recovery part (the scootching forward)? I will have to practice more. Thank god for youtube videos, seriously.

I need a day off. Oh, right, I just had two. Doesn't feel like it!

angsty

Jul. 31st, 2012 12:22 am
llcoolvad: (new)
So I feel angsty, but I don't have a particularly concrete reason. I have a couple of new things that are contributing to the angst, but one of them is six weeks off, and the other one is dumb. Still, they're affecting me.

I am the trainer at my job. Everyone new in the department goes through me. I also train external people — all the new consultants at the firm get an hour with me. I train on topics, sometimes, also, in classrooms ranging from 2 to 35 people at a time. So when our department managed to snag an external client of our very own who decided that they wanted some training for their own people, of course I'm the resource. The client is a large cosmetics company based in New York, and they want us to hold on-site training in Powerpoint and in using their template (which we've built for them). Fine. Scary, a bit, but fine. Free trip to NY, which is fun.

Except now they've ratcheted things up a bit and it's going to take place over 2 days, with a full day the first day and a half day with "power users" the second day. So that means I need to train for 12 hours. I need to have 12 hours of things to say! That's a LOT of hours, people.

I taught a computer science class for seven years at the college level. The classes I taught, even with lab, were never more than three hours per day. I've led large classroom training sessions at work, but never more than two hours. When I train our internal department people I spend an entire week with them, but I always send them off to do exercises for hours of each day. So ... I've NEVER done this before.

And! We have to basically write the entire curriculum in the next six weeks. I mean, almost nothing that we already use in-house is relevant, because everything we do is customized — we have specific toolbars and macros that we built to make our working lives easier, and almost every training document we have is based off the custom macros.

So! I am about to DROWN and I'm very nervous.

And! I have nothing to wear! New York City! Cosmetics company! I'm sure I can't show up in my jeans. AIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE! It's like all my personal horrors in one two day event. AWESOME.

The second thing? I read Bob Harper's book "The Skinny Rules" yesterday. He's one of the trainers on The Biggest Loser, and he decided to put down a bunch of rules about how to get skinny. And currently I follow exactly none of them. I mean, a lot of the rules make sense. Drink a large glass of water immediately before every meal. Go to bed hungry — meaning don't eat anything for several hours before bedtime. But then there are hard ones, like no carbs after lunch. He wants women to only eat 1200 calories a day. I have a hard time sticking to 1800 right now. I can't IMAGINE 1200. So I'm feeling like I'm doing it all wrong!

Patrick pointed out that I am losing weight, am off several meds, feel better. That he's trying to sell his book by making me feel bad. That what I've been doing has been working for me for a year, and that, anecdotally, I should have gained back everything I'd lost by now plus 10 pounds. I guess that's all true. I picked the book up because there were recipes and stuff, and I know he's a veggie fanatic and I need veggie help. I need to really be more selective about what I'm taking out of the book, I think.

Anyway, I had a week. It was fine. Worked out Wed (20 min bike, 5 min elliptical, 20 min swimming). Thursday was our summer work outing, which this year was a cruise on Boston Harbor. They had predicted terrible downpours and lightning and stuff, but it was just partly cloudy and hot, so that was pretty nice. I can't remember the last time I'd been on the harbor, so that was nice, too. The food was decent and although only appetizers, pretty plentiful, so I counted it as a "cheat" day and proceeded to eat All The Things. The best part? My coworker Joanne and I scurried away when the karaoke started and hid up on the deck. Because otherwise I might have leaped. I really gotta take up drinking.

Despite feeling perfectly fine on the boat, I woke up on Friday with an inner ear problem that made me dizzy all day. I read that that's pretty common after you've been on a cruise. I had to skip going to weight class that night, because I thought I might fall over with a barbell and that might be bad. Driving was occasionally a challenge, too! Was better by Sunday, and is mostly gone today.

Dinner and a movie (Mary and Max on Netflix) with P Saturday night, Sunday was lunch with P and some light shopping, then today was chores day with a dollop of Y action (25 min bike, 30 min walking, 45 min weights). I was trying hard not to think about the training thing until I go back to work tomorrow, but Mom (sigh) pointed out I'd need something to wear and that threw me into a tizzy, and then it basically ruined the rest of the day for me. CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE in a big way. I did feel better after the gym, however. Beat the angst out of me. Hard to worry about something far away when something close by is heavy and needs picking up and putting down.

So last week I felt pretty good about life, and this week I feel unsettled. I guess that's fine.
llcoolvad: (new)
Update: Eastern Mass

Friday night was weights class, and this time the instructor didn't show up! But there were enough women there that they pieced together a pretty good workout anyway, so I managed to get about 50 minutes in of weight lifting, plus my there-and-back walk, plus 10 minutes on the bike.

Saturday was dead at work again, so Mike let us go early. Decided on IKEA with P, who spent a lot of dosh and got a lot of stuff. I got some tin boxes, and bought some Swedish meatballs and lingonberry sauce. MMM! Went back to P's place to help him trim Gracie's nails. I think we finally have a workable system for that, so it should be easier going forward. She looked disgruntled, but there was no blood loss on either side. Win!

I didn't leave the house at all on Sunday — spent the whole day cleaning. Got through about eight loads of laundry (mostly Mom's stuff), cleaned the whole kitchen including floor, cleaned the whole bathroom including floor and washing all the towels, cleaned my bedroom including changing the bedding, vacuuming, cleaning off my desk. Updated stuff on my phone, synced new playlist for a new audio book. Other mundane stuff like that. Productive, but nothing much to report.

Monday was more busy stuff: had lunch out, did groceries, recycling, more laundry, then made dinner for mom and went to gym. Trying to get the most out of my time at the gym, so this time I did more than ever before: 20 min swimming (or so), 35 min weight lifting (class), 15 min bike, 3 min elliptical, 25 min walking (to and from the gym, that is). So that's a full hour and a half of exercising. Pretty good! I need to start with the elliptical next time, as I did it almost last (after 1/2 walk, bike, weights) so I was pretty pooped. I did the swimming last, which meant I could do one length of the pool, then would have to stop and catch my breath for a bit, then another length, etc. I think I did 16 lengths? But I wasn't really paying close attention. I know I was in there for about 30 minutes, so I'm counting 20 of that as swimming time. Ish. I'm not even remotely speedy. I might have to do the swimming on nights when I don't do the weights because my arms were pretty tired. I just get enthused once I'm there.

Today I woke up feeling head-coldy, sorta. I had already arranged to be off work so I could take Mom to the eye doctor. She's having cataract surgery next month, and today they needed to dilate her eyes so they could take measurements (or something). She also had her pre-op appointment with her GP, so I spent a lot of time hanging around reading. After we got home I basically stared at the internet. Finally roused myself to do some quick errands, said hey to [livejournal.com profile] sarcasticah at her library gig, and found some dinner. Decided at the last minute that I would skip the gym tonight because I just felt a little drained. Wednesday is work from home day, so I'll be able to go early and get some good time in.

Have seen more action on the scale. If the number I saw today and yesterday hangs around, it's now 87 pounds since the end of last June. Pretty good! I weigh less now than I have since probably the mid to late 80s? I can't remember what I gained when I first went away to college, but I don't think it was anything dainty like the freshman 15. Then again, I didn't weigh myself much back then. I'm about 35 pounds from what I think of as my starting college weight. And I am 127 pounds lighter than my max weight, which I figure must have been in 2000 (and probably a bit before). I had somehow dropped 30 pounds off that maximum when I weighed in at a Weight Watchers meeting back in 2005, which was probably directly due to quitting sugared soda (particularly Coke) after my diabetes diagnosis. I was completely surprised by this, actually, and made them weigh me three times. I didn't really end up embracing WW. I wish now that I had, of course. Would have been nice to have had seven more years of healthier life. Jerk.
_____________

So I have to admit it: I love feeling fitter. I love just getting up and doing things, rather than thinking about doing things first, dreading the effort, procrastinating, and eventually making myself miserable.

I love that the heat isn't affecting me like it normally would. I mean, it's been brutally hot many days this summer and I am actually loving it. I go outside to warm up and bake in the sun a bit at lunch. I don't run my air conditioner very often when I'm home, and when I do I turn it off fairly quickly after I start it.

I love little things, too, like the fact that I can run down the stairs now and that I don't THINK about it and hold onto the railing and concentrate on every step. I love knowing that my knees, while still a bit noisy, can take it. I love that I'm off two of my five daily meds, and probably can come off another. I love that I just sit on things, now, without doing elaborate mental calculations to figure if they can hold me up. I love wearing my old t-shirts and realizing that I am swimming in them. I even love having calluses on my feet from walking.

A year ago I felt hopeless and sick and miserable and disgusting and didn't know what to do with myself. Today I feel so different — healthier, happier, my normal sunny optimism restored (stop laughing). Exponentially better. Can't wait to see how I feel by this time next year!

Fabulous by fifty. I'll be 48 in a few weeks. Got a little time.
llcoolvad: (new)
Saturday was a pretty slow work day. I wasn't sore from the workout the night before, which surprised me. I was supposed to see P so we could hit a movie, but he got a better offer and blew me off, so I just spent the night home. It was so damned hot out that I had done my exercising at my work's gym (FIVE WHOLE MINUTES on the elliptical this time, and lots of treadmill), so I didn't need to go out for any reason. Was nice!

Sunday I decided to finally deal with the stuff I'd brought back from Suzanne's basement. It's my childhood book collection, along with a lot of games and puzzles and such. I'd been driving around with it in my car for two weeks, and the whole time it was smelling of mildew which was annoying me. I figured that baking in a super hot car for a while would be good for killing any residual mildew, but two weeks was plenty. Patrick was willing to stick the stuff in his attic along with all my other stuff, and I did some quick internet searches on ways to kill off mildew smell in books. One suggestion was to put the books with some dryer sheets and seal them in Ziploc, so I got some of those giant Ziploc bags, repacked everything into them with a bunch of dryer sheets, and sealed them all up. If that doesn't solve it, I guess the stuff will end up trash, but I couldn't make that decision this weekend. I mean, all my childhood!

Anyhow, brought it all over to P's, visited for a few minutes, then took off. Wanted to get my car sanitized. I went to the car wash and vacuumed it, washed the exterior, even cleaned out the glove compartment. Smells good now! That made me happy. Brought mom home some lunch. Headed off to Steve and Val's for dinner and chatting. They made pasta with roasted eggplant, and suddenly I like eggplant. WHO AM I? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME? I went back for seconds on the eggplant. It really goes to show that any veggie is good roasted in the oven with olive oil.

On the way home I stopped at Zinga!, which is a self-serve frozen yogurt place. They have the full nutrition panels for every one of their flavors and toppings. If you're careful and weigh everything, you can get out of there with a low calorie delicious snack. And I was very careful. It's my new favorite place.

Today was grocery shopping and recycling, and that's about it. Lunch, then more Zinga! I took another nap today, too. What's with the napping? I woke up fitfully, and finally made dinner before round two of weightlifting class. Went well. Some interesting exercises, a lot of which use your own body weight as the resistance. A lot of his exercises involve getting down on the floor and lying on our backs and such, and the getting down there and back up is a challenge for me with my knee but I'm managing so far.

I have always liked weight lifting, going back to high school gym class. We had the option to go out and play tennis, play softball, or work in the weight room. I sometimes did tennis, but mostly I did the weight room. I've always been pretty strong (for a GIRL), but as I get older I've noticed I've lost that. No more. I will regain it and then some! I am using Ernestine Shepherd as my inspiration. I'll probably never be that kind of awesome, but hey. She's 75 and runs two hours a day. That's pretty impressive. Check out the image search!

I've finally seen a little scale action the past few days. That's a relief. This has been a long plateau. I was hoping the gym addition would do something to shake things up.
llcoolvad: (new)
This weekend was pretty good. Thursday night I had dinner with Jenn — we have taken to hanging out at The Cheesecake Factory because they have a new 590 cal or less menu (horrifyingly named "Skinnylicious"), which is pretty good, if totally ironic and unlikely. It's also next to my work, so by the time Jenn gets to me I've gotten out of work and can meet her right away. Friday night P and I had dinner at our local Mexican place, and then headed out to see "Brave" (which I thought was really good). Saturday I worked all day, did my walk at lunchtime, then there was a power outage in Melrose and Wakefield due to severe thunderstorms, so P and I had steaks in Reading (oddly untouched by the power issues), then ended up looking for battery-powered laterns. Of course by the time we got home the power was back. Which was good. THE INTERNET WAS BACK!

(The idea that we'd be inconvenienced by losing the internet for a three hour power outage is pretty hilarious, when you consider that we both have iPhones)

Sunday my right arm was killing me. It's been hurting off and on for several weeks. No idea what could have caused it, as I don't think I hit it on anything or sprained it somehow. The little soft cleft in between thumb and pointer along the back of the hand felt like it was massively bruised or something. It seemed to travel up my arm, along the muscle or tendon or whatever that is, so evenutally it occured to me that it might be either arthritis or carpal tunnel related (it could be the driving I did. Two weekends in a row I did long drives. Vibration can really flare up CT, plus I drive a stick). I found my wrist brace and wore it for the rest of the day, taking it off to ice down my arm and hand occasionally, and for the past two nights I've slept with it on (that ALWAYS helps. Carpal tunnel sufferers, note: you do a lot of damage to yourself when you sleep. Wear a brace overnight even if you don't wear it any other time). Today my arm is much better. I'll probably mess it up again this weekend when I go out to help Suzanne move some stuff, but that can't be helped. I'll keep wearing the brace every night, anyway. That should help some.

So I spent Sunday sorta whiny, since it was really throbbing up a storm, and didn't get much done. I did my walk and I fixed up my desktop and reinstalled the KVM switch so I can use it again. Shopped for audio books. Watched tv. I think that's it.

Monday I felt better, but it was POURING. I didn't feel like getting drenched doing my normal stuff, so I moped around in the morning doing fuck all. When it cleared, later, I did a really light grocery shopping, then decided to hit Trader Joe's for some prepared foods. I need some variety, yo. Picked up a couple of yummy looking things, and treated myself to a snack that I cannot keep in the house EVER AGAIN. Dark chocolate-covered almonds with sea salt and sugar. Oh, dear god, so good it's ridiculous. Trader Joe's always has ridiculously delicious snacks. I ate the whole container in just two days. That's six+ servings. Sigh. So: lesson learned. Can't keep that in the house! And right now I have a HUGE sugar buzz. I don't eat like that often anymore, so sugar really hits me now. Pretty funny. My teeth feel like they have little jackets on, too. I think I need an intervention.

The rest of the day was more Comcast arguing, doing some work on a training presentation for a session I held this morning, laundry, pots and pans, my walk. In the morning I got an email from LoseIt, telling me I had a new badge. It's the Die Hard badge, which you get when you've logged every day for 52 weeks. That's right, I'm an obsessive freak. I have a record of just about everything I've put into my body for the last year. A WHOLE YEAR.

There's nothing much on tv right now (summer) so I was flipping channels tonight. My local Redbox didn't have the one movie I'd consider watching and Mom was watching Netflix, so I was just idly surfing, and there was Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. Girl on it started at 355 pounds, and in one year lost 207 pounds. 207! I've managed about 83 in that same year. And yeah, that's great! But sometimes I think that everyone expects 207 pounds in a year, you know? These shows, they create expectations. We always want MORE, FASTER! So people notice that I'm changing, but in my head I think that they expect my loss to be super dramatic, like I'll be standing in front of them and weight will literally fall off me onto the ground. I KNOW it's just in my head. But there you go. When I told my mother about my 52 week thing she said "Oh, I didn't realize it had taken you that long to lose the weight...I lost 70 pounds in six months once..."

SIGH. I note: my mother is crazy and doesn't really get how she sounds, sometimes. I snapped back "and you gained it all back, didn't you?! I'm not going to gain it back, ever." Bravado, she is mine.

AND THEN after I took my walk on Monday I got an email from RunKeeper telling me I'd hit a new milestone, that I'd logged more miles this month than I had any month before. So two little happy things in one day. Thanks, iphone apps! They've got my back.

One last happy thing: I've been very melancholy lately, listening to the last gasps of WFNX. They stop broadcasting July 21 at midnight; every time I turn on my radio I get a little pang, thinking how the heck am I going to hear about new music, local shows, yadda yadda. But on Monday they announced that Boston.com will be hosting the new online version of WFNX, and that they'd hired basically all the DJs that FNX just fired, and the program director, and even some of the sales people. So YAY! Reprieve from sad. People who know music will still be curating my listening environment for me. Happy!

Ok, that's enough for now.
llcoolvad: (new)
Another weekend. I'm saving my makeup holiday for my Cape trip in a couple weeks, so I only had a two-day weekend unlike most of the rest of you. It was fine. Did a lot of choresy things, watched Eurovision live (including all the voting) at work with my coworkers (hilarious), watched some baseball, visited with my pals Stephen and Val on Sunday, hung out with P and finished up "Revenge" on Saturday, kinda the usual.

Today I dumped off ANOTHER huge bag of clothes (how is this even possible? I have gotten rid of SO MUCH STUFF I don't know how there's always more) at the charity bin, along with an equally huge bag of shoes (dunno why they'd want shoes, but it says CLOTHES and SHOES on the bin so hey, enjoy the Crocs!). And then, idiotically, I filled up all that empty space in my closet. Mom put the idea in my head, mentioning that one clothing store was having a sale on tops. I went to get some lunch at my favorite deli and noticed that another store was closing and having a liquidation sale, so I went to both and basically I ended up coming home with about 10 tops, a few pairs of shorts, some workout clothes, and some underwear, and spent relatively little to get it all. I think now, with the exception of the perfect pair of black jeans (elusive, damn it) I am mostly done with clothes buying for a goodly amount of time—at least until it gets really cold again, or until I drop another two sizes. It's tempting, now that I can buy clothes at all the discount places like TJ Maxx and Marshalls and all the cheap places like KMart, to just buy ALL THE CLOTHES. Because I've not had the ability to do that in several decades. So I am trying to behave. I am still transitioning, so there's no point spending money on my intermediate size, right? But it's very tempting because I like getting compliments, and apparently I am a girl who enjoys wearing cute clothes. Oy.

Speaking of transitioning, I managed to lose two pounds since my whine about losing nothing really, so that's good. Had an excellent week, food-wise. Been able to avoid more carbs lately without missing them. One trick has been very helpful: have re-added cheddar cheese, pre-cut to make it easier to judge calories, to my snack arsenal. I have a handful of grapes or an apple and the cheese and I'm pretty satisfied. Here's hoping that continues. Today I even skipped a side with my sandwich at the deli. Go me! I consider myself just about at the halfway point for what I'd like to lose, now. Another 80 or so pounds and I'll be happy. (Hell, I'm happy now, but might as well keep going!)

Also did a bunch more walking. Took off Friday and Saturday (Friday I was sore, and Saturday I was busy with work and social stuff), but pretty much every other day I've been walking for at least 45 minutes (mostly a full hour). Plan to keep that up until my legs fall off. Which some days feels imminent. Why did I wait until I was old and feeble to attempt to get healthy? I can't even SLEEP without causing myself pain. My hips, my knees, my back, my right shoulder, my right hand index finger's knuckle, all of it hurts pretty much allatime, and I'm annoyed by it. Ibuprofen is my bestie. Stupid old body.

Held the first of three training sessions on Saturday, with the next two Tue and Wed. Got some good feedback, am modifying the training a bit to include it. Hard to cover a huge topic in 1.5 hours and know what to leave in and what to omit, but I'm working on it.

And I think that's everything.
llcoolvad: (new)
I have no idea what I've been up to lately. Sleeping, eating, walking, working, doing a few fun things. There you go, update!

I guess I could figure out a few details. Start with walking: Since my last post I've walked 20.06 miles over 9 occasions. I use the Runkeeper app on my phone--very handy to keep track for me. On two occasions it fritzed out (maybe lost GPS? I dunno) so the amount is actually a little higher than that, but that's what I've got tracked. Pretty decent considering all the rain we've had. I walked 2.35 miles this evening in the mist and came home pretty damp, but feeling good.

I had to buy new sneakers to support this. My old ones were never really used for a lot of exercise before, and honestly were the wrong size (a little too big, and yet gave me blisters on the bottom of my toes). I did a little reading about walking shoes, and found out that the ones I had were running shoes which are really not great for walking, since your foot strike is totally different when you walk than when you run. Since you plant your heel then toe when you walk, you need a different design of shoe than a running shoe, especially in the flex of the sole and the shape of the heel. So I went looking and tried on lots of stuff, and found the Merrell Dash Glove in delightful orange. It's a running shoe, but it's the minimalist style and felt great on my feet and a lot of people recommended it for walking. I have ridiculously wide feet and one foot is a little bigger than the other, so buying shoes is an exercise in patience. Wore them for the last two walks, and DAMN if they're not awesome! I've never spent a lot of money on shoes before, really, other than some hiking boots I bought back in the 80s. But wow! Big huge massive difference. No shin splints, joints feel ok, no new blisters, awesome! I might have to think about a second pair for everyday, because they're that awesome. Maybe the black, tho. I mean, for the office! :-)

So the walking thing is good. I still haven't seen a lot of action on the scale lately. I've gone down about a pound this month, but since I bounced around a lot last month I guess that's good. I might have to change up some of what I'm eating. I'm thinking of going low carb, but it's going to take some serious meal planning ahead of time. But I'll see how the next couple of weeks go, first. Trying to increase water and cut out a little more sugar first (hidden sugar, I mean, in processed food) because I really dunno if I can handle low carb when I live with someone who eats practically only carbs. My total weight loss since July is about 81 pounds, which is awesome, but it's been slow for a while and I need to shake it up. Still haven't gone back to the gym, so maybe that's the answer.

At any rate, I FEEL a lot better, so even if the scale is stubborn right now, I'm ok with it. My blood chemistry is excellent, my energy level is good, and see previous re: walking. Which this time last year would have been completely outside of my realm of possibility. Patrick and I were out to eat the other night and he suggested going to the mall near the restaurant we were at, and so I started to walk towards it and he said "where's your car?" and I said, oh, I thought we'd walk, and he was all "it's a totally new world!" which was amusing.

(The embarrassing part of that previous thing is that the mall is literally across the street from the restaurant. And previous me would drive there. Of course previous me didn't like to go to malls at all because there was too much aimless walking around.)

Work is fine. Have to write some training materials this week to hold some training sessions on MS Word for everyone, since we're highly sick of everyone sucking at Word and using it as an excuse to never work on Word documents. I am going to try to kick ass at that so I can add it to my portfolio.

Sleeping: not sure how this is going. I haven't been using my CPAP since I moved. I hate it. I can't help it. I read about another technology that I need to explore and see if I can get. It's some kind of single-use nose plugs that don't attach to anything, just apparently provide resistence when you breathe out. Since I'm a nose-breather it SHOULD work for me. And without the hose and machine and so on I'll probably use it. It's not covered by insurance, but it's not that expensive, so I need to find out where I can get it. Mom hasn't been able to tell if I'm still snoring because I keep my door shut and I wake up if I hear anything going on.

Not sure what I've done for fun the last few weeks. Let me check facebook (the respository for my brain, apparently): Hmm, watched some tv, Sherlock most importantly. Read some, listened to some audio, listened to the final shows of Adam 12 and Julie Kramer on FNX, watched some more Revenge with Patrick. I think that's it.

walkies!

Apr. 21st, 2012 01:08 am
llcoolvad: (new)
I've been thinking about my physical world lately. I mean my ability to BE physical, and specifically my ability to be more directly in the world.

I was a pretty active kid: bike riding all summer, running around like a wild thing from dawn to dusk, always in motion. I'd also go for long walks with the dog every day. I was in marching band in junior high and high school. When I got a little older and would be hanging out with my friends, sometimes we'd miss the last bus home at night and instead of calling a cab we'd just walk from Cambridge to my home in Watertown. Or we'd start our night by taking the bus into Cambridge and then walking from Cambridge to Boston. When I got to college no one had a car so we'd take public transportation and then walk. Basically until I started to drive in my mid-20s I walked and rode my bike everywhere.

Once I got my license I pretty much stopped all of that. It was a time-saving move. Sure, I'd wander around when I was exploring new places, but mostly I was busy trying to live life—get from one place to another to work jobs, go to classes, whatever. I didn't leave a lot of time for walking around. And I gained weight and eventually got a lot less able to walk around for hours. I also developed the car mindset: you get places by driving somewhere and parking. Maybe by taking public transportation, but only if it gets you really close. When I injured my knee I felt like I would probably never do a lot of walking again. And until recently, I didn't.

It changed one day when I realized that I'd never left my apartment on foot—I'd walk out the door and get into a car. I lived one block from my downtown strip, and I'd never ever walked to there. So I decided to just do it.

And now, ten months later, here I am. I've been walking a couple of miles a day several days a week. I've been exploring my immediate surroundings on foot from work and from home. And here's the big thing I forgot: it feels really good. I shouldn't really be surprised by it all, but I am. I am bored stiff by walking on a treadmill, but give me fresh air and something to look at, and I'm pretty happy.

So there's my big secret! I like to walk.

updateish

Apr. 15th, 2012 11:51 pm
llcoolvad: (new)

Had a few social things this week; three things make a post?

Friday night had dinner at Patrick's with Jeff and Mary Ellen; was fun to chat and hang out, and Patrick made some yummy food. Except no gravy!!! SO TRAUMATIC!

Saturday was busy at work all day. Stressful detaily stuff, so it didn't really make the day pass quickly. Dinner was out with Patrick, then back to his place to hang out for a while. We weren't up for a movie so we watched some teevee and hung out with Gracie, his kitty.

Today I went down to Bridgewater to visit my aunt and set her up some wifi and a Roku, so she could have Netflix streaming on her big living room television. Went up seamlessly, really, which was good (and since all my other tech is giving me headaches, I totally appreciated it). I fixed a few other minor bothers for her on her PC, and we went out to lunch. She's a bit hard of hearing (she's 84) and so chatting is sort of exhausting -- lots of shouting and repeating myself and e.n.u.n.c.i.a.t.i.n.g. r.e.a.l.l.y. p.r.e.c.i.s.e.l.y, which is harder than you might imagine. Or maybe that's just me. But it's nice to help her out. She's always super grateful.

I need to spend tomorrow doing some Marathon watching and then chores and grocery shopping and so on. Maybe go to see if I can find a couple of things to wear. I'm getting really sick of the five things I have.

I have stalled this last two weeks on weight loss, but I've been eating a bit over my calories occasionally, too, so I'm going to tighten back up this week. I haven't gone up, so that makes me feel good, but I'd like to get going again. And I still haven't used my new bathing suit at the gym yet. Gotta get over there after work some days.

I paid off a credit card the other day. Felt good, but the corresponding drop in my awesome ING account was depressing. One down, three to go. And my car and student loan. SIGH! Still, it's progress.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

llcoolvad: (cold)
Been a not-very-busy couple of weeks. Had a long weekend last weekend, so I managed to get a lot of slacking done. Saw "The Artist" last Saturday with Patrick; very fun and lots of laughs. Loved all the movie shout-outs, and the little dog (a la The Thin Man) was adorable. Last Sunday went over to Steve and Val's with Patrick for dinner and Hearts*. Was fun. We don't play often enough for any of us to be great players, but it does come back after a while and gets fun.

*I've been playing a lot of traditional games lately, albeit in mostly non-traditional ways: I play Words with Friends (which is a Scrabble app), Scramble with Friends (a Boggle app), Hearts (both on PC and live), Cribbage (app — I play vs. the computer rather than friends), and a couple of solitaire variations (mostly FreeCell). I don't think I'll ever like MUDs or MMORPGs or anything, but I definitely like short puzzle-y games that I can play on my phone.

Work week was short, which was good. Didn't do much all week, really, except read, watch tv, some light chores. Was good downtime. Friday night P and I saw "Ghost Rider", keeping to my longstanding tradition of seeing really bad movies after seeing really good ones. I enjoyed the hell out of it — nothing beats watching Nicolas Cage twitch and grimace his way through a flick. He's still got too much face, or something (this time I think it is caused directly by his receding hairline), but he's still fun.

Spent this weekend mostly at home. Sunday I ran a couple of errands and watched the Oscars (I could live without seeing Billy Crystal host ever again, I think. His shtick is old, yo. Bring back Chris Rock! Or hell, even James Franco. I'd like to see someone under 100 host, again. Also, I seriously need to see more movies. I only saw a handful of any of the nominated ones — which is true every year. Time to fix that!), and today I did the grocery shopping, saw my doctor, and spent the night surfing the web and reading and playing more games. My doctor was impressed with my overall weight loss (around 68 pounds now since July, which is an average of 8.5 pounds per month, or 1.97 pounds per week. That hasn't been my rate lately, I've slowed a bit, but it's still a nice average!) and advised me to keep doing whatever I'm doing. We'll see when my bloodwork comes back how I'm doing blood-chemistry-wise. My BP was 112/68, which seems pretty good. I've never really had BP issues, though, but it's still good to see.

So glad February is mostly over. I always have a hard time with February. Seems longer than all the other months, and it's so bleak and usually so cold, it just wears on me. Too bad it's a leap year this year, though, but at least it's only two more days til it's over. Yay! I guess now that my work week starts tomorrow I'll have to kick it into high gear and get back into productivity mode. But for the rest of the night tonight I think all I'm going to do is finish my book and go to bed early.

Speaking of books: )

melting

Mar. 20th, 2012 01:26 pm
llcoolvad: (pretty)
Weight loss update: Hit my first goal, passed it. Now have lost 78 pounds since July (118 pounds since my highest weight a few years ago). Yay! Now off for a walk.
llcoolvad: (cold)
My weekend consisted of a reasonably productive couple of days. Yesterday I managed to get some cleaning done including washing the kitchen floor, then I watched Hugo (which was oh so good!), and did a bunch of reading. Today was chores-tastic: After showering and loading the car up, I spent the next four hours doing recycling at the city yard, having lunch, getting my hair cut, going bathing suit shopping (and finding one that I didn't loathe, so yay!), returning cans, going to Coinstar with my change cup contents (yay new kindle books now), returning Redbox, grocery shopping, and other quick errands. Came home and put the groceries away, got dinner going, loaded the dishwasher, paid bills, chatted with Patrick.

Earlier part of the week was pretty standard. On my work from home day this week I managed to watch three movies while I worked: The Thing (2011), In Time, and The Whistleblower. They were all better than I thought they'd be, so that was good. The Thing wasn't as good as the original by any stretch, however. There are only two ways monster movies seem to deal with the monster, these days: you either never see any of the monster at all, or you see too much of the monster. This was a too much situation, totally — all thrashy tentacles and gaping maw. Kinda boring, really. Nice that there was a female hero, however, a la Ripley. The Whistleblower was depressing, but gripping. Rachel Weisz was good as always, but since the plot was about human trafficking there wasn't much she could do to perk it up and make it less than grim. And In Time was better than the reviews, although a lot of that was because of Justin Timberlake's personal charisma, and because the plot was interesting. The dialog needed a lot of work, and the female lead could have used a bit more...something. I dunno. It didn't really stay with me, but Justin was better than I expected, so that was a pleasant surprise. Had to see it, what with the Harlan Ellison early controversy. He apparently dropped his lawsuit after seeing it, which sounds to me like a bad review. Anyway, go-to futurey sci-fi actors Cillian Murphy, Vincent Kartheiser and Olivia Wilde gamely made appearances, which upped the pretty quotient of the film by an acceptable amount. (when your entire cast has to look 25 years old or less, probably makes casting a challenge)

On Thursday I decided to take a walk at lunchtime and ended up over at the Museum of Science. There's some fun stuff there: they have a live gekko exhibit, with 30 or so different types of gekkos all in little unique habitats. That was pretty neat. There was also a museum guide carrying around a gekko to let visitors see one up close. Cute! That's one of the changing exhibit halls, from what I could tell. So many others seem to remain encased in amber. I couldn't believe that the main "habitat" exhibit hasn't changed much since I was a kid. I mean, I first saw that moose in probably 1970, when I was six! There's a sign identifying the moose habitat as dating from 1962, so I'm not exaggerating. A lot of the stuff is the same — the shuttle model, the capsule, the dinosaur models, etc. And the math room hasn't changed in at least 35 years, not to my eyes, anyway. But it's all still charming, and sort of comforting. There may be advances in science every day, but our little museum will do its part to stem the tide...

Later was dinner at Patrick's, much chatting, and Revenge. I don't know how many more eps there can be of Revenge, but it's pretty consistently AWESOME, so who cares? I heard that next season will be an entirely different cast and plot, like American Horror Story, so that is good. It also means anyone can be pushed off a cliff at any time. Also good.

Saw a very exciting number on my scale this morning. Let's hope it repeats! It would mean 75 pounds. It would be my first major goal reached, too. Which means a hot fudge sundae at Friendly's.

Kidding.

Sorta.
llcoolvad: (cold)
Had a weekend, got stuff done. Have unpacked almost everything. Have a big box of hard drives that won't get unpacked for a long time, a box that has jewelry boxes in it along with a few other random things, and a bag of current paperwork left. Everything else is organized and put away. The closet will need more work (still has mom-shoes in the bottom, and have shoved some storagey stuff up top), and I will need to deal with the last few boxes somehow. Maybe I'll get some different under-bed storage and use that. Anyway, it's otherwise done. So yay! Did about five loads of laundry yesterday, put everything away. Weeded some of mom's clothes (somewhat on the sly) and brought two big bags to donate. Even weeded out more of mine. I have so few left, now, it's kinda sad. Oh, also have a couple pictures left to hang. Did most of them, but have to move the bureau to hang these and was tired.

Now, that just means my ROOM is done. Whole rest of the house to go! I also cleaned out the back hall, and put some very old freezer food out for the trash today. Next up will be the pantry, I think. Tomorrow will be mom-laundry day while I work from home. And maybe I will get something done about her cable box. The thing is plaguing me. It doesn't get On Demand, which was the reason I got it for her. It says "Error 7, Call Customer Service" or something. I did, already, and they "sent a signal", but that seems to be as worthless as it sounds. While I have time and patience tomorrow I'll try calling again. Why do cable companies suck so hard? Christ.

Visited the old apartment today now that Patrick has moved in. Looks so different! Just the office is untouched, everything else is totally different looking. I wasn't sad there this time, which is a relief. Gracie seems to be relaxing a little. Poor little thing. A few months ago she has to leave everything she's ever known for a strange place with a stranger, and now she has to adapt again to moving! But she seems ok. Patrick is a good cat-daddy.

SO bored at work lately. I can barely sit still in my chair. My goal was to get moved and settled in before I start looking for work. I guess that's done. I might take another few weeks to relax (plus I have to go see my aunt, and do more tech support there, plus I have a ton of things to do around here), but soon I shall do a full-court press on the job search front.

Down what looks like another pound and a half. Not sure, saw it today, we'll see what tomorrow brings. So that would take me to 65 total lost since July? Something like that. Ate a bit over my calories today, had delicious beef stew (made by mom) for dinner, couldn't resist a second serving. Then had a snack later! But hey! Once in a while is ok. This isn't a race. I've been doing well with the slow-but-steady loss thing, and I can manage like this (hopefully for a long time). Except on those days when I want to buy a two pound bag of peanut M&Ms and just eat the entire thing. Which is most days, honestly. Resist! Keep in mind the compliments. Another today (wore better clothes): coworker Pete said "you're really getting smaller! That's awesome!" and hey, I can just listen to that shit all DAY. So fuck you, M&Ms.

Read a few things so far:
1. The Fifth Witness, Michael Connelly (good)
2. Deception, Jonathan Kellerman (library kindle) (better than the last one but still meh)
3. Eleven, Patricia Reilly Giff (library kindle) (very good)
4. The Silent Girl, Tess Gerritsen (audio) (pretty good, reader was good, too)
5. Dead Sleep, Greg Iles (audio) (Greg Iles is pretty consistently excellent. Even writes women well, which seems to be a challenge for a lot of men. Reader was great in this one, too. Very southern, many voices sounded the same, but she managed to do things with dialogue that many readers don't — she really made it sound like people were actually talking. Some people talk faster, some people talk slower, some people slur words or swallow consonants or whatever. Very good.)

24

Dec. 13th, 2011 11:54 pm
llcoolvad: (cold)
As part of their motivational machine, LoseIt! sends out relevant badges when you pass milestones. I have gotten various ones like 25 Pound Club, 50 Pound Club, Committed, Dedicated, etc. They all mean different things. They even sent one out on Thanksgiving to people who logged as usual on that day. Yesterday I got one: "Hardcore - You have logged everyday for at least 24 weeks."

Twenty four weeks! Six months. I've been tracking every morsel of food that I've eaten for six months. That seems so unlikely, especially for me. I've always been sort of willfully ignorant about what I've eaten in the past. This new awareness has been quite the revelation, really. I'm averaging 2.4 pounds lost per week. I am eating under 1900 calories most days. I can see plenty of areas for improvement in what I eat, especially when I run the percentages of fat vs. protein vs. carbs. I've been keeping track of all the major caloric breakdowns, like sat fat, cholesterol, sodium, etc. I'm not completely fanatical, but I have the data I need when I want to get there.

Sorry I'm turning this into a weight loss blog! It certainly was never my intention. I will try to blog about other things occasionally! It's just that this seems to keep being what I'm doing, and it's certainly the main positive thing in my life right now.

weighty

Dec. 8th, 2011 10:49 pm
llcoolvad: (cold)
So I was walking along the river during lunch today, enjoying the sunshine and the cold air. I'd finished my tuna sandwich, and was looking forward to ending my walk at Au Bon Pain for some hard boiled eggs and some grapes. I had on an audiobook, was walking pretty briskly, and my heart rate was up a smidge. I felt pretty damned good.

And I realized right then, and really for the first time, that my weight loss was really actually all my doing. I mean, I got scared by my doctor back in the summer, I had a painful breakup right after that, and those things combined to make the start of my dieting easier than it could have been: I was anxious and unhappy enough to not want to eat much.*

But every day I continue to make good decisions. Every single day. I stand in check-out lines next to candy racks. Old me would get something, if not two or three somethings. New me sometimes picks up a Hershey bar and reads the calories on the back and puts it back, or sometimes just looks away. I go to the grocery store and walk down the ice cream aisle. Old me would get a couple of pints, eat them in a couple of nights. New me gets one or two of those cute single serving containers and only has one when I have the calories left over. Old me went out to restaurants every single day off that I had, usually for lunch, and had a big giant meal while I read my book. New me gets a 6" sub from Subway and eats it at home, then puts in a load of laundry and does some dishes. Old me at Au Bon Pain, raspberry and cheese croissant. New me, grapes and eggs. Not HUGE differences, but differences.

And here's the crux of it: no one would know if I got the candy, ate the pint of ice cream, had a giant meal filled with cheese and bacon and all things delicious, or got the croissant. But the act of taking conscious notice of everything that I eat, each and every day, has made it so that I would know, and that I would really understand, and at last I am enough.




* My parents actually quit smoking in a similar way — they'd both been sick one weekend, realized at the end of the weekend that they each hadn't smoked in 3 days, and decided to make it 4, and then managed to never smoke again. Dad had a 4 packs a day habit, Mom was around 3 packs. I was always impressed by that. They'd tried to quit before, and failed, which I think clearly says something about the idea that you need to be ready.
llcoolvad: (cold)
Since it's been a bitch of a year, I've tasked a few idle brain cells today with thinking about what I'm thankful for right now. I'm finding that my overall gloom is making it hard to come up with a big list, but I'll keep thinking about it. For now:
  • iPhone: Seriously, I do everything with it. I track all kinds of things. I use it to entertain myself, educate myself, stay in contact, etc. I have it with me 100% of the time. OK, maybe not in the shower. 99.92% of the time.
  • LoseIt app: There is no way on this beautiful blue marble that I would have managed to lose 55 pounds (and counting!) in this little time without this app. It's just...simple and fun. And it makes me feel accountability, which I've never felt with a person or group (regarding weight loss). I don't know why it's managed to work where nothing else has, but I'll take it.
  • Words with Friends: It's been exceedingly helpful to pretty much always have something waiting to distract me and force me to use my brain. And honestly, as each game pops up it feels a little bit like someone is thinking about me throughout the day. It's nice.
  • Space heater: Sometimes you just feel cold all the way down to your soul. Sit in front of the space heater for a while, bake the cold right out. It's the dumb little things, I swear.
  • Pie: Well, snacks in general. Even though I've been limiting my intake, I've managed to control my snacking by not denying myself, but indulging carefully and by making wise choices. If I didn't have snacks every day I'd be going up instead of down in weight. Might go against common wisdom, but it's working for me.
  • Audible: I think too much in the car. Music isn't distracting enough. Audible lets me sink into a narrative other than my own, and I am grateful for it. I've listened to audio books for years, but Audible is so easy and reasonably priced, I have zero complaints. And I've fallen in love with Will Patton.
  • Nifty scanner: Finally I can deal with my paper backlog. Still working on it, but have made more progress this year than ever before.
  • Ativan: I had some situational anxiety this summer and was experiencing classic symptoms like racing heart, racing brain, inability to focus, etc. My doctor prescribed me this to be taken as needed, and while I haven't taken it often, when I did, it really really helped. Especially good to let me get a full night's sleep.
  • My friends: They are seriously long-suffering this year. I don't think I've ever been this pathetic before in my life. I am constantly whining and bitching to them and being a generally needy vaguely crappy friend. Without exception they have all been kind, helpful, and haven't gotten sick of me. Or at least are good at pretending that they haven't gotten sick of me! Which is really what matters.
  • That 2011 is almost over. I know the calendar changing doesn't actually change anything. But a fresh calendar page can't really hurt. And most of my big problems will self-resolve at the turn of the year. Sure, I'll have new challenges, but at least they will be new ones.

Ok, that's all I've got right now. What are you thankful for?

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