weighty

[llcoolvad]

So I was walking along the river during lunch today, enjoying the sunshine and the cold air. I'd finished my tuna sandwich, and was looking forward to ending my walk at Au Bon Pain for some hard boiled eggs and some grapes. I had on an audiobook, was walking pretty briskly, and my heart rate was up a smidge. I felt pretty damned good.

And I realized right then, and really for the first time, that my weight loss was really actually all my doing. I mean, I got scared by my doctor back in the summer, I had a painful breakup right after that, and those things combined to make the start of my dieting easier than it could have been: I was anxious and unhappy enough to not want to eat much.*

But every day I continue to make good decisions. Every single day. I stand in check-out lines next to candy racks. Old me would get something, if not two or three somethings. New me sometimes picks up a Hershey bar and reads the calories on the back and puts it back, or sometimes just looks away. I go to the grocery store and walk down the ice cream aisle. Old me would get a couple of pints, eat them in a couple of nights. New me gets one or two of those cute single serving containers and only has one when I have the calories left over. Old me went out to restaurants every single day off that I had, usually for lunch, and had a big giant meal while I read my book. New me gets a 6" sub from Subway and eats it at home, then puts in a load of laundry and does some dishes. Old me at Au Bon Pain, raspberry and cheese croissant. New me, grapes and eggs. Not HUGE differences, but differences.

And here's the crux of it: no one would know if I got the candy, ate the pint of ice cream, had a giant meal filled with cheese and bacon and all things delicious, or got the croissant. But the act of taking conscious notice of everything that I eat, each and every day, has made it so that I would know, and that I would really understand, and at last I am enough.




* My parents actually quit smoking in a similar way — they'd both been sick one weekend, realized at the end of the weekend that they each hadn't smoked in 3 days, and decided to make it 4, and then managed to never smoke again. Dad had a 4 packs a day habit, Mom was around 3 packs. I was always impressed by that. They'd tried to quit before, and failed, which I think clearly says something about the idea that you need to be ready.

Comments

[sarcasticah.livejournal.com]

That's how I quit smoking, too. Otherwise, I think it's too overwhelming. Good on you!

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I wish I could be ready to lose weight again. I am very impressed that you've done it through wanting that more than you want the extra calories.

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and that's it, exactly. I want the weight loss more than I want the quick hit. Another example: every morning on my way to work I used to hit a drive-thru (Dunkin Donuts, McDs, whatever) and get something for breakfast. Now I blithely sail by them all, and when I get into work I have cereal and some fruit. And while I don't think about it EVERY day, I do occasionally see the Dunkin Donut sign and think "DONUT!!", then pause for a minute, visualize how many calories I'd have if I ate there, and then I think, "Nope. Not today." I don't know how it's still working. But I'll take it.

[p-j-cleary.livejournal.com]

This is, by far, the biggest change you've made in years, and it's been amazing to witness. You absolutely just decided to do this, have kept up with it, and it's like you're a different person when it comes to food.

That, plus the fact that you're obviously so much more comfortable now. You zip up and down stairs with no effort, we go walking somewhere and you don't ask to stop and sit down, and I haven't heard you coughing or out of breath in forever.

It always sounds so condescending to say I'm proud of you, but I'm so proud of you, and I know this is going to continue, because you seem to have just changed yourself fundamentally.

smoking cessation by sickness

[daniel c. parmenter (from livejournal.com)]

Interesting, my dad quit smoking cigarettes that way also. Got sick, couldn't smoke, and never smoked again.

But regarding your own loss (hmm, that sounds like someone died! "I'm so sorry for your loss..." eek!), congratulations my friend. I know it's something you've wanted to do for a long time. I've known a few folks who've achieved similarly impressive results in recent years. Interesting to hear about how you did it with the help of an app!

p.s. I've managed something along similar lines. For a number of reasons (especially lack of money!) I've smoked M only once in the last month, and that was just a single hit at a rock show. I realized recently that I'd been doing it for basically half of my life, every day when I could and that I didn't want to live that way any more. Merely reducing intake was relatively easy, but going a full day without was very hard indeed.

Re: smoking cessation by sickness

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's great news! So happy to hear it. Congratulations to you, too! Do you feel any different? Lungs feel clearer, whatever?

Re: smoking cessation by sickness

[daniel c. parmenter (from livejournal.com)]

The major difference is a surprising one. I seem to have longer, more linear dreams, with more "plot" and less random jumping from one unrelated image or sensation to the next. I also don't sleep for as long most nights. It will be interesting to see whether these effects last.

Also, as with quitting cigarettes (or so I am told) I find that food tastes a bit better. All the lung clearing stuff seemed to happen earlier when I was merely reducing and that's certainly been a joy.

Re: smoking cessation by sickness

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

Interesting! Glad to hear it, seriously. The body is an impressive machine, healing itself as much as it can. My own body has already responded really well to my changes: my blood sugar numbers are excellent, I have no other major problems, and most of my aches and pains are gone. All of that combined with living in a duplex (meaning I have to go up and down stairs all day long) has helped my knees feel better, and now (as P mentioned) I can zip up and down stairs without issue.

Re: smoking cessation by sickness

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

My mom quit smoking as a result of a new no-smoking-at-work policy in combination with a long flight. She asked the doctor for a nicotine patch to help her get through the flight, lying when he asked if she would quit smoking. By the time she got back, she was starting to develop a skin reaction against the patch. She decided that if she was ever going to quit, she'd never have the chance to use the patch again, so it would never be easier than right then. The obnoxiousness of not being able to smoke at work contributed to her decision.

Re: smoking cessation by sickness

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

My mom says that it was the illness, combined with the price of cigarettes increasing at an alarming pace. She often says "I was too cheap to keep smoking." So obnoxiousness really does help!

Re: smoking cessation by sickness

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

Sad, but true.

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

I'm going to disagree that raspberry and cheese croissant vs grapes and egg is not a big difference. I love the way a lot of those choices are either substitutions or portion control (you still get to have ice cream), and so it doesn't have to feel like deprivation, especially compared to what you're getting in return (yea for zipping up and down stairs!).

My doctor news is making me think I'll quit my job in February whether I've got something else lined up or not. Just asked my boyfriend what he'd think about having a girlfriend who did temporary gigs and worked night at weekend shifts at Target for the next six years! (Not that there's any guarantee I'd even get those things.)

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

(I meant "nights and weekend shifts.")

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Will the quitting your steady but hated job, but then working occasional but poor-paying jobs, actually improve your health? I often think it would improve mine, but I am very likely wrong.

My new plan is to get rid of all debt (AGAIN) and then take a job that pays just enough. We'll see how that goes. That's been on my TO DO list almost as long as "lose weight". So maybe!

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

I am already rid of all debt! Even my house is paid off, so all I need now is food and water! And electricity. And taxes and insurance. And repairs and maintenance. I also still want my car and my electronics. And I get pressured to not wear threadbare clothes and to join my friends in movie theatres, in restaurants, and on vacation. Doomed!

I'd only have to last 6 years until my pension kicks in. I have enough vacation saved up to cover 4 months of expenses. And I've started buying dividend-paying stocks--those dividends will cover $15 of my living expenses each month! I do have a lot of money in my Roth IRA that I can withdraw penalty free (I've been contributing the max since it was invented, and they let you take out the amount you put in for free), and then I'd still have some left (the growth part) to help cushion my pension if necessary. But even with all that, I'd still have to work almost 30 hours a week at minimum wage to cover my expenses. And of course there's no guarantee I could get any work at all.

Still, I'm ready to risk it. My newish boss is pushing all my buttons, including buttons I didn't know I had. After a year of working with her, I have not been able to learn near enough coping skills; things are only getting worse. For example having figured out that one big problem is that she can't draw inferences doesn't help. (It explains why I feel like I told her something and she feels like I didn't, but knowing that doesn't help because although I will happily explain the same thing three or four different ways to the same person, I do not have the skills or the time to explain the same thing 45 different ways. Let alone a hundred billion ways.) I'm turning into a real jerk, and it's bleeding over into other people and other areas of my life.

So, I'm leaving. But not until I acquire another year of service (January 15) so I only have to wait 6 years for my pension instead of 8, and not until I take my paid vacation (early February).

**

Your plan sounds awesome. Have you read "Your Money Or Your Life"? It's about how to get to the point where you are financially independent, and so you don't need to work unless you want to. Have you read "The Tightwad Gazette"? That has many frugality ideas and also general frugality strategies. Have you seen earlyretirementextreme.com? It has the same goal as "Your Money or Your Life," but shows you how to do it a lot quicker if you really, really want to get out of the workforce. Like live in a trailer or boat with a roommate, bike everywhere, eat the same delicious cheap foods each week, bought in bulk, buy everything else used, etc. Even if you use some extreme-seeming strategies for a short period, it can make a big difference, and occasionally you luck out and find that you like the cheaper strategy better anyway.

[llcoolvad.livejournal.com]

Wow, yeah. That does indeed suck. I assume you've looked around campus for job transfer options, etc.? Even if you took a pay cut doing something different, might be better than leaving altogether. Or would taking a pay cut affect your pension? I know my mom's was based on her three largest pay years, not necessarily the three most recent, but I also know plenty of places aren't like that.

Might be fun to get a job doing something you'd enjoy, anyway — I worked retail for a few years and at the time found it alternately fun and stressful, but I think if I were there because I wanted to be and not because I had to be, I'd have had a lot more fun doing it. I often think I'd like to run a seasonal business, like a drive-in movie theater, or a Christmas tree lot, or something like that. Work hard for a few months, then don't work at all for a while. But I don't exactly have a plan.

Anyway, good for you. Making tough decisions is just that, tough, but sometimes it's the only way to survive.

I have read Your Money or Your Life, quite a few years ago now, but yeah, I like the idea of being able to just work when you want to. Thanks for the other ideas, too. I think you've mentioned some of them before in your blog, so I know I've clicked over there a few times before.

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

I'm also waiting until February 1 because that's when our new system will officially be ready to go live (although it won't actually be done yet), so officially they won't need me anymore to make sure it works (though really, I would still be quite handy). So I don't want to start looking around until then. But yes, another UT job, even part time, would be ideal, though I'm not willing to wait until I find one to leave. My pension is also based on largest-pay years (the highest five), so that helps. But it looks like a break in service would be bad (I'm going to confirm that). So, we'll see.

Meanwhile, it's hard to imagine ever liking any jobs!

My silly own-business ideas are things like selling banana chocolate chip pancakes out of a cart and teaching math to home-school kids. The former I would never do. The latter, maybe. But anything different that's lower stress sounds good.