llcoolvad | jittery jitters that jittered

I have to get up at 4:15am to get to the hospital by 5:30, for a 7:30am surgery time tomorrow. I have no idea if I'll manage to sleep at all. I didn't sleep much this weekend. No idea why I'm so nervous. I was nervous the last time about anesthesia since I'd never had it before. This time I seem more worried that I won't survive. Weird! Intellectually I know my odds are very good, so I don't know why it's really got me freaked this time.

Anyway, I spent the day doing the next two week's chores, since I won't be physically able to. Grocery shopped, did returnables, six loads of laundry, changed the sheets, vacuumed, tidied, took out all the trash and put it in the barrels in the garage, swept, mopped, vacuumed some more. I am sore now, which is probably a dumb way to greet surgery. Then again I'll be on meds tomorrow so it's probably ok. Concentrating on hydrating now so I won't be parched in the morning (since I can't drink anything past midnight). Took my insulin already. Had a shower. Will have another in six hours when I wake up. Took an ativan earlier today, then took another about an hour ago. Waiting for another load to finish in the dryer (mom's stuff) before I turn in. I'm as ready as I can be, physically, but mentally I am just still pretty much a wreck. I wrote out a "here are all of my investment accounts and here's what to do and who to call and here's what I owe and all of my passwords" kind of list for mother, which might seem morbid but makes me feel better that she wouldn't have to worry about THAT.

So I guess that's it. I'm bringing my phone and a set of headphones with me as entertainment (oh, and the charger with a really long cable, so I can just leave it plugged in). I am hoping to be out of the hospital by Tuesday, with Monday possibly spent dozing, but I have no clue yet. It depends how I do and how much they cut me.

I said yes to the film crew. I figure I'll be unconscious so why not. Catch y'all on the flip!