bookstores make me sad

Barnes & Noble makes me sad, now.

I mean, literally tearing-up-can't-spend-more-than-a-few-minutes-in-one sad. Barnes & Noble was never as cool as indie bookstores were; it couldn't be, it's a chain run by corporate types. But the one near me had a pretty good selection, decent staff, and catered to readers with comfy chairs and a willingness to let you sit in them all day if you wanted, so I spent a LOT of time and money hanging out there. I didn't mind when they added the Starbucks, and I wasn't even surprised when they added more stationery and gift things.

But now? The prime real estate smack in the front middle of each store is a giant mostly-empty Nook display area that looks like it belongs in Best Buy. They've also added huge aisles of games, toys, gift things, and other non-book-related items, and they've cut way back on stock depth to make room for all of it. It's almost like a specialty Target. I don't know why this upsets me so, when I am the problem. I love ebooks, I have no desire to buy dead-tree books any more, and I know my shopping habits are similar to many people's. To stay in business, they have to do something.

But I guess I miss the old days.

By the old days, I really mean my personal old days. My favorite day off used to involve a trip out for lunch, off to the bookstore, maybe a visit to a stationery store, a wander around a comics or CD shop, and then a movie. Almost none of those things fit into my life now, and I guess I miss them in the abstract. I still get CDs, but I limit them to a few trips a year. I buy books entirely in ebook form, so that's a surf around some review sites, a glance at the amazon best sellers, look up a few favorite authors and see what they've released, etc. I don't buy pens or paper journals anymore, so if I'm going to a stationery store it's to pick up something specific and it's usually just at Staples. Movies are frequently spoiled by the unpleasant moviegoing experience (other patrons, expensive tickets and snacks, inconvenient showtimes, whatever) so unless it's some spectacle movie I wait and watch it at home. And since I've been watching what I eat for the last 14 months or so, the restaurant-going has also been sorta spoiled for me.

I'm sure some of this sadness is specific to books, however. My entire life has revolved around books and reading. Libraries and bookstores used to be my favorite places on the planet. My social life in college revolved around our science fiction club/library. The excitement of going somewhere that is devoted to the thing you like the most, where you'll find new exciting things to interact with, and where other people who are just like you also congregate? Yeah. That. But I don't feel it any more. Bookstores feel...lesser. Like I'm visiting my childhood home, and it's smaller than I remember.

I guess this is really nostalgia for who I used to be. And maybe it's because I haven't fully developed into who I will be, and I feel like the who I currently am part is in limbo. I would like to find my new thing, the thing that will get me out of the house on the weekends. I just don't know what it is yet.

exercise and injury!

Exercise Sep 19-24:
Wed: Nothing; Fitbit logged 3,300 steps
Thu: Weight lifting 25 min, walking 10 min, stationary bike 10 min; Fitbit logged 8,000 steps
Fri: Weight lifting 50 min, walking 30 min; Fitbit logged 9,500 steps
_____ hurt myself here, so trying to take it easy_____
Sat: Nothing; Fitbit logged 5,500 steps
Sun: Nothing; Fitbit logged 4,000 steps
Mon: Weight lifting 50 min; walkiing 30 min; Fitbit logged 2,500 steps (forgot it at home when I went to the gym)
Tue: Walking 10 min, weight lifting 15 min; Fitbit logged 5,250 steps (lunch hour at work)
Wed: Nothing. Was home all day so didn't put Fitbit on.

I'm not sure when the injury happened, exactly. I got mad while I was at my work gym on Thursday and maybe overdid it there. While I was waiting to get onto the treadmill I did some ab work (lying on a mat, suspending a 40 lb. barbell above my chest, lifting my legs up to perpendicular) and I then did some upper body exercises and some leg lifts. I didn't stretch beforehand. I got line jumped, and someone else took the treadmill before I managed to finish what I was doing, so I got mad and left and went to the Y. By the time I got there I was pretty pissed off and only did 10 minutes on the treadmill. Got onto the stationary bike and cranked up the tension pretty high. My knee felt sore the next day. Then I was enthusiastic after weights class on Friday and did some more jogging on the treadmill (just a few minutes here and there). It didn't feel good, but it also didn't feel actively bad when I was doing it. As soon as I got off the treadmill, however, I felt like my leg was cramping up. I massaged it and stretched it and limped to my car. The knee was hurting, too. It's still hurting. I'm finding it hard to bend. I got on the exercise bike at work yesterday to see if they'd fixed it, and spinning the pedals made it hurt a ton. It sorta feels like it felt before I had surgery years back. I hope I'm wrong! The walking wasn't too bad on Monday, and I kept the pace up at 3.5mph. Tuesday, though, really didn't feel right, even a bit slower at 3.3, so I decided to keep it super short.

I'm thinking I'll call up my PT place and ask if they can fit me in Friday morning. I probably should have called already, but I was sort of hopeful that the light work I'd done since Saturday would help it. No joy so far! I will probably do some more light walking tomorrow at work. Keep the speed down and keep the incline flat.

I would pay more attention to being sore, but honestly I am sore every day. I have arthritis in my knees and hips (I am guessing about the hips, but hey, they hurt) and I have a problematic L4, so basically I ache a little almost always—and that's whether I work out or not. This makes new pain less noticeable. That's totally my bad. I just hope I haven't hurt myself much! I will make the PT people show me safer stuff to do. At least I can still do weight lifting. Nothing I do there (with the possible exception of some of the ab stuff) is hurting me. The moral? Cardio = bad! :-)