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So I feel angsty, but I don't have a particularly concrete reason. I have a couple of new things that are contributing to the angst, but one of them is six weeks off, and the other one is dumb. Still, they're affecting me.
I am the trainer at my job. Everyone new in the department goes through me. I also train external people — all the new consultants at the firm get an hour with me. I train on topics, sometimes, also, in classrooms ranging from 2 to 35 people at a time. So when our department managed to snag an external client of our very own who decided that they wanted some training for their own people, of course I'm the resource. The client is a large cosmetics company based in New York, and they want us to hold on-site training in Powerpoint and in using their template (which we've built for them). Fine. Scary, a bit, but fine. Free trip to NY, which is fun.
Except now they've ratcheted things up a bit and it's going to take place over 2 days, with a full day the first day and a half day with "power users" the second day. So that means I need to train for 12 hours. I need to have 12 hours of things to say! That's a LOT of hours, people.
I taught a computer science class for seven years at the college level. The classes I taught, even with lab, were never more than three hours per day. I've led large classroom training sessions at work, but never more than two hours. When I train our internal department people I spend an entire week with them, but I always send them off to do exercises for hours of each day. So ... I've NEVER done this before.
And! We have to basically write the entire curriculum in the next six weeks. I mean, almost nothing that we already use in-house is relevant, because everything we do is customized — we have specific toolbars and macros that we built to make our working lives easier, and almost every training document we have is based off the custom macros.
So! I am about to DROWN and I'm very nervous.
And! I have nothing to wear! New York City! Cosmetics company! I'm sure I can't show up in my jeans. AIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE! It's like all my personal horrors in one two day event. AWESOME.
The second thing? I read Bob Harper's book "The Skinny Rules" yesterday. He's one of the trainers on The Biggest Loser, and he decided to put down a bunch of rules about how to get skinny. And currently I follow exactly none of them. I mean, a lot of the rules make sense. Drink a large glass of water immediately before every meal. Go to bed hungry — meaning don't eat anything for several hours before bedtime. But then there are hard ones, like no carbs after lunch. He wants women to only eat 1200 calories a day. I have a hard time sticking to 1800 right now. I can't IMAGINE 1200. So I'm feeling like I'm doing it all wrong!
Patrick pointed out that I am losing weight, am off several meds, feel better. That he's trying to sell his book by making me feel bad. That what I've been doing has been working for me for a year, and that, anecdotally, I should have gained back everything I'd lost by now plus 10 pounds. I guess that's all true. I picked the book up because there were recipes and stuff, and I know he's a veggie fanatic and I need veggie help. I need to really be more selective about what I'm taking out of the book, I think.
Anyway, I had a week. It was fine. Worked out Wed (20 min bike, 5 min elliptical, 20 min swimming). Thursday was our summer work outing, which this year was a cruise on Boston Harbor. They had predicted terrible downpours and lightning and stuff, but it was just partly cloudy and hot, so that was pretty nice. I can't remember the last time I'd been on the harbor, so that was nice, too. The food was decent and although only appetizers, pretty plentiful, so I counted it as a "cheat" day and proceeded to eat All The Things. The best part? My coworker Joanne and I scurried away when the karaoke started and hid up on the deck. Because otherwise I might have leaped. I really gotta take up drinking.
Despite feeling perfectly fine on the boat, I woke up on Friday with an inner ear problem that made me dizzy all day. I read that that's pretty common after you've been on a cruise. I had to skip going to weight class that night, because I thought I might fall over with a barbell and that might be bad. Driving was occasionally a challenge, too! Was better by Sunday, and is mostly gone today.
Dinner and a movie (Mary and Max on Netflix) with P Saturday night, Sunday was lunch with P and some light shopping, then today was chores day with a dollop of Y action (25 min bike, 30 min walking, 45 min weights). I was trying hard not to think about the training thing until I go back to work tomorrow, but Mom (sigh) pointed out I'd need something to wear and that threw me into a tizzy, and then it basically ruined the rest of the day for me. CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE in a big way. I did feel better after the gym, however. Beat the angst out of me. Hard to worry about something far away when something close by is heavy and needs picking up and putting down.
So last week I felt pretty good about life, and this week I feel unsettled. I guess that's fine.
I am the trainer at my job. Everyone new in the department goes through me. I also train external people — all the new consultants at the firm get an hour with me. I train on topics, sometimes, also, in classrooms ranging from 2 to 35 people at a time. So when our department managed to snag an external client of our very own who decided that they wanted some training for their own people, of course I'm the resource. The client is a large cosmetics company based in New York, and they want us to hold on-site training in Powerpoint and in using their template (which we've built for them). Fine. Scary, a bit, but fine. Free trip to NY, which is fun.
Except now they've ratcheted things up a bit and it's going to take place over 2 days, with a full day the first day and a half day with "power users" the second day. So that means I need to train for 12 hours. I need to have 12 hours of things to say! That's a LOT of hours, people.
I taught a computer science class for seven years at the college level. The classes I taught, even with lab, were never more than three hours per day. I've led large classroom training sessions at work, but never more than two hours. When I train our internal department people I spend an entire week with them, but I always send them off to do exercises for hours of each day. So ... I've NEVER done this before.
And! We have to basically write the entire curriculum in the next six weeks. I mean, almost nothing that we already use in-house is relevant, because everything we do is customized — we have specific toolbars and macros that we built to make our working lives easier, and almost every training document we have is based off the custom macros.
So! I am about to DROWN and I'm very nervous.
And! I have nothing to wear! New York City! Cosmetics company! I'm sure I can't show up in my jeans. AIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE! It's like all my personal horrors in one two day event. AWESOME.
The second thing? I read Bob Harper's book "The Skinny Rules" yesterday. He's one of the trainers on The Biggest Loser, and he decided to put down a bunch of rules about how to get skinny. And currently I follow exactly none of them. I mean, a lot of the rules make sense. Drink a large glass of water immediately before every meal. Go to bed hungry — meaning don't eat anything for several hours before bedtime. But then there are hard ones, like no carbs after lunch. He wants women to only eat 1200 calories a day. I have a hard time sticking to 1800 right now. I can't IMAGINE 1200. So I'm feeling like I'm doing it all wrong!
Patrick pointed out that I am losing weight, am off several meds, feel better. That he's trying to sell his book by making me feel bad. That what I've been doing has been working for me for a year, and that, anecdotally, I should have gained back everything I'd lost by now plus 10 pounds. I guess that's all true. I picked the book up because there were recipes and stuff, and I know he's a veggie fanatic and I need veggie help. I need to really be more selective about what I'm taking out of the book, I think.
Anyway, I had a week. It was fine. Worked out Wed (20 min bike, 5 min elliptical, 20 min swimming). Thursday was our summer work outing, which this year was a cruise on Boston Harbor. They had predicted terrible downpours and lightning and stuff, but it was just partly cloudy and hot, so that was pretty nice. I can't remember the last time I'd been on the harbor, so that was nice, too. The food was decent and although only appetizers, pretty plentiful, so I counted it as a "cheat" day and proceeded to eat All The Things. The best part? My coworker Joanne and I scurried away when the karaoke started and hid up on the deck. Because otherwise I might have leaped. I really gotta take up drinking.
Despite feeling perfectly fine on the boat, I woke up on Friday with an inner ear problem that made me dizzy all day. I read that that's pretty common after you've been on a cruise. I had to skip going to weight class that night, because I thought I might fall over with a barbell and that might be bad. Driving was occasionally a challenge, too! Was better by Sunday, and is mostly gone today.
Dinner and a movie (Mary and Max on Netflix) with P Saturday night, Sunday was lunch with P and some light shopping, then today was chores day with a dollop of Y action (25 min bike, 30 min walking, 45 min weights). I was trying hard not to think about the training thing until I go back to work tomorrow, but Mom (sigh) pointed out I'd need something to wear and that threw me into a tizzy, and then it basically ruined the rest of the day for me. CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE in a big way. I did feel better after the gym, however. Beat the angst out of me. Hard to worry about something far away when something close by is heavy and needs picking up and putting down.
So last week I felt pretty good about life, and this week I feel unsettled. I guess that's fine.
