You are apparently much smarter than I at pest removal. I was too busy being squicked out and also worried about its safety to actually use my brain. And there are no doors in my kitchen, so the cats had to go somewhere with a door...

I've had all kinds of helpful solutions offered to me since that night. Thanks ever so! Where were y'all when I needed you? But thanks...

And hey -- Happy Belated Birthday, co-birthdate person!